Humor
See other Humor Articles
Title: Fox News Warns That Without Angry Rhetoric It Will Have 24 Hours to Fill
Source:
borowitzreport.com
URL Source: http://www.borowitzreport.com/2011/ ... it-will-have-24-hours-to-fill/
Published: Mar 7, 2011
Author: no telling who wrote this
Post Date: 2011-03-07 20:26:07 by Ferret Mike
Keywords: None
Views: 3330
Comments: 5
Would Create ‘Giant Hole’ in Program Schedule NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report) – Calls for a reduction in violent political rhetoric have plunged the Fox News Channel into chaos, with a Fox spokesperson warning today that such a move “would leave us with 24 hours to fill.” “Let’s not underestimate the giant hole this would create,” said spokesperson Carol Foyler. “Fox without violent rhetoric would be like The Weather Channel without maps.” Ms. Foyler said Fox was preparing for a “worst-case scenario” in which it was pressured to air responsible statements in place of its current programming: “If it comes to that, God forbid, we’ll just air 24 hours of ‘24’.” In contrast with Ms. Foyler’s alarmed comments, Fox host Glenn Beck took the news of a possible programming change in stride: “If I’m kicked off the air, I’ll return to my first love: standing in the back of crowded theaters and yelling, ‘Fire.’” But Fox commentator Sarah Palin was less enthusiastic about the new call for tempered rhetoric: “For the first time in my life I don’t have anything to write on my hand.” In other cable news developments, CNN confirmed that it was considering dropping Kathleen Parker from its “Parker Spitzer” program, but said it had balked at Elliot Spitzer’s suggestion of “a different woman every night.”
Post Comment Private Reply Ignore Thread
Top • Page Up • Full Thread • Page Down • Bottom/Latest
Begin Trace Mode for Comment # 4.
#1. To: Ferret Mike, ALL (#0)
Consider the source folks, faggot mikey is known and self admitted LIAR. EVERYONE, even libTURDS, who have ever had any contact with faggot mikey KNOWS that he is just a libTURD LIAR. ie. "Ferret Mike is a liar by Ferret Mike is a liar Thursday Aug 5th, 2004 3:26 PM The image, which he himself linked to, is on the Yahoo News site. He is nothing but a liar and troublemaker. ... Add a Comment Ferret Mike is a liar by Ferret Mike is a liar 2 Thursday Aug 5th, 2004 3:28 PM Here's the actual image link. All Yahoo photos have "yimg.com" in them. www.indybay.org/ne wsitems/2004/07/30/16906761.php? show_comments=1#16912141)
Heehee, keep going M. Doggie Dawg, keep posting. I knew you wanted to do this, and you are predictable, so I posted this satire article jusr for you. ;-D
Missouri Ferret Attack Not Isolated Incident; Animals Known to Bite Babies By Chad Garrison, Wed., Jan. 12 2011 @ 12:02PM Comments (115) Categories: Animals, Follow That Story The image shows a ferret with its mouth open exposing its fangs. Is it yawning, or is it about to make a meal out of a human baby? It's hard to tell, though the animal certainly looks somewhat aggressive. And that's not all that uncommon, according to other stories written about ferrets attacking children. That's right, ferrets -- those adorable domesticated weasels -- have been known to strike before and its not pretty, leaving the victim's skin and tissue looking like "ground beef." In California, a pet ferret has been blamed for killing a baby. Dozens of other children in the Golden State have also been mangled by the critters, which may confuse infants with prey, according to an article in the Journal of American Academy of Pediatrics. "The animals seem attracted to babies, perhaps due to odors resembling those of suckling rabbits," writes Dr. Edward Marcuse in a 1987 edition of Pediatrics. "Typically, attacks are made when parents are absent or asleep; the ferret escapes its cage and jumps into the baby's crib. One infant died; others nearly bled to death. One lost her nose, another half of both ears. Up to hundreds of bites were rapidly inflicted on all parts of the face, the result resembling ground beef according to some observers, although all exposed parts of the body are attacked as well. Older children and adults were bitten on the face and extremities, the animal often holding on tenaciously until killed or pried loose." A story out of Wisconsin in 2000 told a similar story when two ferrets attacked a baby, who was saved when the family dog jumped into the melee and rescued the infant. Andersonmatthew91 1 month ago in reply to MacKenzie Ferrets are nasty creatures! They are gross and they stink!! I would trust a pit-bull with my child over this nasty animal!!!!!
Ferret flatulence is the primary cause of global warming. Ever ferret fart raises the sea level 3cm, and kills 3 hectares of trees. That's nearly enough to get you through the winter!
There are no replies to Comment # 4. End Trace Mode for Comment # 4.
Top • Page Up • Full Thread • Page Down • Bottom/Latest st*l*="width: 410px; height: 313px; border: 0" alt="" />
#2. To: Mad Dog (#1)
#3. To: Ferret Mike (#2)
#4. To: Mad Dog (#3)
They are gross and they stink!!
Replies to Comment # 4.
[Home] [Headlines] [Latest Articles] [Latest Comments] [Post] [Mail] [Sign-in] [Setup] [Help] [Register]