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Title: Supposed Bin Laden email
Source: saucers.com
URL Source: http://saucers.com
Published: Jun 3, 2006
Author: unknown
Post Date: 2006-06-03 21:47:11 by master_of_disaster
Keywords: None
Views: 855
Comments: 5

This is the complete text of an actual email that we received from Osama bin Laden:

To: editor@saucers.com From: osama@alqaeda.net Subject: Getting to Know You

Praise be Allah that some of my admirers in the land of the infidels have invited me to fill out this fun little internet quiz. Perhaps now, those who live outside the world of the camel can understand that I am not such a bad guy after all, but am only doing my duty, as any mad bedouin would, to follow in the footsteps of Mohammed.

1. What time is it? It is the third day of Ramadan, and the hour glass has dropped about the same amount of sand as might fall into one's ear after loosening one's turban in the evening to let the fleas have some air.

2. Name as it appears on your birth certificate? My full name, as it was engraved on the pyramids when I was born, is Osama im Not the Freekin dali Lama ihava Beard as Long as my Mama im Always wearing my Pajama bin Laden.

3. Nickname. My friends just call me Savage Boy.

4. Height? The media reports that I am six feet four, but in the perfect Islamic society we would say that I am three and one-eighth cubits.

5. Eye color? Pitch black, except during satanic rituals when they tend to glow a bright red.

6. Hair color? Well, since viewing your image in a mirror is strictly forbidden in our society, I can only rely on the word of my wives, since, Allah forbid, no one else sees me with my turban off. They all tell me that it is also pitch black, but that's all they can see through those burka's anyway.

7. Piercings? Our religious beliefs allow us to practice piercings only when necessary. It is far preferable to simply chop off the head.

8. Tattoos? We men are forbidden to desecrate our bodies with such markings. But they can be useful on our women for keeping track of which wife is which.

9. Number of candles you blew out on your last birthday? Well, we don't keep track of birthdays, as such celebrations are strictly forbidden. But, on a good day, I like to blow up three or four cars, a couple of buildings and a herd of cattle.

10. Have you ever been toilet papered? What is toilet paper?

11. Types and names of your pets? The livestock is getting thin, lately, but I still have my faithful donkey, Habul, and one of my favorite sub-wives, Kashi, to keep me company. And the Mullah has his Harley, which he calls Hannibal.

12. Have you been to Europe? Certainly. In my younger days I spent much time in Europe. I loved blowing up those quaint little European autombiles, especially in the spring time.

13. Have you ever loved somebody so much it made you cry? Oh, this question reminds me of my dear boyhood friend, Abdullah. We grew up together and used to love spending time every day watching the public beheadings in Medina. We used to share our dreams with one another all night long, while we smoked scorpion heads in the turret of the mosque. I, of course, wanted to be a notorious terrorist and he wanted to be a serial killer. He could have gone on to be a great murderer, but he was tragically killed while playing on the guillotine, peace be upon him. I am certain that Allah has granted him Near Martyr status, which is not the exalted Full Martyr status with the 70 virgins and all, but it is something close where you get to have 8 desert women who are guaranteed to have been married no more than twice and who have only very light mustaches and hardly any beards at all.

14. Ever been in a car crash? I was run over on my donkey once by Mullah Omar, when we approached him from his blind side. Fortunately, no one was hurt, but one of my wives was killed, and the Mullah's front wheel has had a wobble ever since.

15. Croutons or bacon bits? Oh, those are beetles. They collect on everyone's beard this time of year and feast on crums that collect there during the ritual tea parties.

16. Favorite movie? Planet of the Apes. Of all western works of art, it is the one that most closely approximates the beauty of a perfect Islamic society.

17. Favorite holiday? As any true muslim would tell you, we love the month of Ramadan. It gives us a chance to fast during the day time, to feast during the night, and to whip ourselves with a rope.

18. Favorite TV show? We consider most western television to be obscene and blasphemous, since the women are allowed to speak. But, we do admire the courage of the stunt men on MTV's Jack Ass. We are in awe of any man, even an infidel, who will set himself on fire while strapped to a skate board and do a flip over an open tank of gasoline. We never miss the show and we use some of the episodes as instructional videos for the younger mujahadeen.

19. Favorite fast food restaurant? Taco Bell. If you're going to make yourself into a human explosion, it always helps to load up on burritos before the mission.

20. When was your last hospital visit? I used to go in for regular dialysis treatments, but, since we've been confined to this cave, we make do with the Mullah's motorcycle battery and a can of crisco oil.

21. What is your favorite sport to watch? Anything involving pain and destruction. I enjoy the World Wrestling Federation and, if I get out of this cave, I think I will join the league and compete in it myself. I may be thin, but I still have my kalashnikov.

22. Favorite toothpaste? What is toothpaste?

23. Who was the last person you had over for dinner. I believe it was a United Nations diplomat. We invited him over, before the cave fell in, to discuss a "peace treaty." We had a very nice meal. The chef served him with all proper respect due to a diplomat, after stewing him slowly in some curry sauce. Then we had his driver for dessert.

24. Favorite drink? The molotov cocktail. You can never have enough of them.

25. What CD is in your player right this second? The Prophets of the Hour of Doom, Unplugged.

26. What are your favorite pastimes: As everyone knows, I am a very busy man, but, like any man, I have my hobbies. When I take an occasional day off, I love to spend quality time beating my wives, eating my young and hating the infidels.

Well, that is all we have time for now. I must get back to plotting my course for world domination. Oh, I almost forgot. If you fill out this survey and forward it to 25 of your friends, Allah will send a hive of bees to nest in your beard and you will have honey all year long. If you send it to 10,000 people, Al Qaida will buy you an expense paid trip to Mecca for next year's Ramadan celebrations. If you send it to 100,000 people, we'll throw in a week at a mujahadeen training camp with a chance to become an instant martyr! So, get typing!

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#1. To: master_of_disaster (#0)

A German TV show found that the White House's translation of the "confession" video was not only inaccurate, but even "manipulative". On 20 December 2001, German TV channel "Das Erste" broadcast its analysis of the White House's translation of the OBL video that George Bush has called a "confession of guilt". On the show "Monitor", two independent translators and an expert on oriental studies found the White House's translation not only to be inaccurate, but "manipulative".

Arabist Dr. Abdel El M. Husseini, one of the translators, states, "I have carefully examined the Pentagon's translation. This translation is very problematic. At the most important places where it is held to prove the guilt of Bin Laden, it is not identical with the Arabic."

Whereas the White House would have us believe that OBL admits that "We calculated in advance the number of casualties from the enemy.", translator Dr. Murad Alami finds that: "'In advance' is not said. The translation is wrong. At least when we look at the original Arabic, and there are no misunderstandings to allow us to read it into the original."

At another point, the White House translation reads: "We had notification since the previous Thursday that the event would take place that day." Dr. Murad Alami: "'Previous' is never said. The subsequent statement that this event would take place on that day cannot be heard in the original Arabic version."

The White House's version also included the sentence "we asked each of them to go to America", but Alami says the original formulation is in the passive along the lines of "they were required to go". He also say that the sentence afterwards - "they didn't know anything about the operation" - cannot be understood.

Prof. Gernot Rotter, professor of Islamic and Arabic Studies at the Asia-Africa Institute at the University of Hamburg sums it up: "The American translators who listened to the tapes and transcribed them apparently wrote a lot of things in that they wanted to hear but that cannot be heard on the tape no matter how many times you listen to it."

Meanwhile the US press has not picked up on this story at all, reporting instead that a new translation has revealed that OBL even mentions the names of some of those involved. But the item is all over the German press, from Germany's Channel One ("Das Erste" - the ones who broke the story, equivalent to NBC or the BBC) to ZDF (Channel Two) to Der Spiegel (the equivalent of TIME or the Economist - visit http://www.spiegel.de/politik/ausland/0,1518,174025,00.html if you can read German). More surprisingly, as I write the following site appears on Lycos in German: http://www.netzeitung.de/servlets/page?section=1109&item=172422 - but nothing under http://lycos.com in English.

Instead, we read in the Washington Post of Friday, December 21, 2001 (the day after the German TV show was broadcast) that a new translation done in the US "also indicates bin Laden had even more knowledge of the Sept. 11 attacks on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon than was apparent in the original Defense Department translation.... Although the expanded version does not change the substance of what was released, it provides added details and color to what has been disclosed."

I'll say. Aren't there any reporters in the US who speak German (or Arabic, for that matter)? An article in USA Today of 20 December 2001 sheds some light on why the original translation might not be accurate: "the first translation was rushed in 12 hours, in a room in the Pentagon". So why didn't the new US translation find the same discrepancies as the German translators did? Read the article in USA Today against the grain: "Michael, who is originally Lebanese, translated the tape with Kassem Wahba, an Egyptian. Both men had difficulties with the Saudi dialect bin Laden and his guest use in the tape, Michael said." Why can a Saudi translator not be found in a multicultural country like the US, especially with the close business relations between the US and Saudi Arabia? Bush Sr. probably knows any number of them himself.

Of course, if we ever hear about the German analysis in the US press, the reactions will be that some will never believe that OBL is behind the attacks no matter what you tell them. But actually, Americans are just as stubborn in refusing to face facts. One moderator on Fox News complained to his interviewee that the European media were focusing too much on civilian casualties in Afghanistan. (I wondered which European languages this moderator could speak; a few weeks later, he happened to say on his show that he had had "three years of German". This, he claimed, would allow him to "do the show in German.") His interviewee responded that, yes, the Taliban were very savvy manipulators of the media. So there we have it: Europeans get their information straight from the Taliban Ministry of Propaganda.

Craig Morris is a translator living in Europe. He can be reached at http://www.wdr.de/tv/monitor/real.phtml?id=379.


A K A Stone  posted on  2006-06-03   21:58:01 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  

#2. To: master_of_disaster (#0)


Free David Irving!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Free Gotovina!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Free Eric Rudolph!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

continental op  posted on  2006-06-03   22:00:07 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  

#3. To: A K A Stone (#1)


Free David Irving!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Free Gotovina!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Free Eric Rudolph!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

continental op  posted on  2006-06-03   22:01:02 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  

#4. To: continental op (#2)

I wonder if Bin laden would agree with his supposed email. Is the guy even alive or is he just a reason to keep the war going?

Schoolin Since Birth

master_of_disaster  posted on  2006-06-03   22:51:56 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  

#5. To: master_of_disaster (#4)

Bin Laden is either dead or relaxing at a villa on a tropical island, courtesy of the CIA.

Free David Irving!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Free Gotovina!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Free Eric Rudolph!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

continental op  posted on  2006-06-04   8:23:47 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  

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