Humor
See other Humor Articles
Title: Colin Kaepernick Transitions In Order To Make Carolina Panthers Cheer Squad
Source:
The Babylon Bee
URL Source: https://babylonbee.com/news/colin-k ... -carolina-panthers-cheer-squad
Published: Jun 7, 2022
Author: The Babylon Bee
Post Date: 2022-06-07 22:46:27 by Deckard
Keywords: None
Views: 1278
Comments: 3
CHARLOTTE, NC—Colin Kaepernick has made his way back into the NFL as a cheerleader for the Carolina Panthers. He will be the team's first African American Transgender Poly-Bi Cheerleader and will be joining the team on road games.
"I'm excited to be on the team!" said Kaepernick, weakened by a series of surgeries and hormone injections. "After I insulted the organization and called all the fans racist, I wasn't sure I'd be welcomed back, but I was finally able to contort my body into such a victimized form that they had no choice but to hire me."
"It's a dream come true!"
Panthers coach Matt Rhule was not part of the decision-making process that brought Kaepernick into the cheerleading fold, but he is reportedly enthusiastic about the former quarterback's role on the squad.
"I think he'll be a great distraction when we lose games," he said, sighing wistfully. "And believe me, we're going to lose some games."
ESPN commentator Jaina Winterwoman asked Kaepernick about the audition process. The interview, which will appear on a future episode of NFL Primetime, revealed that Kaepernick doesn't know how to dance.
"Girl, with an identity like this you don't have to do a thing," Kaepernick told the sports journalist. "I don't think anyone's going to be watching me for my dance moves."
The 2022 NFL season is scheduled to begin on September 8th. Ratings for Panthers games are expected to spike early on and then plummet, destroying the franchise.
Poster Comment:
(1 image)
Post Comment Private Reply Ignore Thread
Top • Page Up • Full Thread • Page Down • Bottom/Latest
LOL - LOL - LOL - LOL - LOL - LOL - LOL - LOL - LOL - LOL -
Si vis pacem, para bellum
Rebellion to tyrants is obedience to God.
"If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went." (Will Rogers)
"No one ever rescues an old dog. They lay in a cage until they die. PLEASE save one. None of us wants to die cold and alone... --Dennis Olson "
People that say money can't buy you happiness, have never paid an adoption fee
#2. To: Deckard (#0)
LOL...Gotta lose the beard if you want "TheLook" to pop, Colon...MUD
"NOW...Devolve Power Outta the Federal Leviathan!!"
#3. To: Deckard (#0)
I imagine his adoptive parents are oh so proud of him, ha ha ha ha ha
Just think, if they had not been so " woke " they might have adopted some future Brain surgeon, lawyer, or nuclear engineer.
But being woke, look at what they ended up with.
Being a SJW has a price. In the words of the Knight in Indiana Jones " They chose poorly !! " LOL
Oh well, be woke, and be ashamed.
Si vis pacem, para bellum
Rebellion to tyrants is obedience to God.
"If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went." (Will Rogers)
"No one ever rescues an old dog. They lay in a cage until they die. PLEASE save one. None of us wants to die cold and alone... --Dennis Olson "
People that say money can't buy you happiness, have never paid an adoption fee
Top • Page Up • Full Thread • Page Down • Bottom/Latest
[Home] [Headlines] [Latest Articles] [Latest Comments] [Post] [Mail] [Sign-in] [Setup] [Help] [Register]