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Title: 1999 Toyota Corolla - Fine AF - $2500
Source:
Craigslist via AoS
URL Source: https://houston.craigslist.org/cto/ ... orolla-fine-af/6565526716.html
Published: May 4, 2018
Author: some dude
Post Date: 2018-05-04 12:12:38 by Tooconservative
Keywords: None
Views: 1840
Comments: 10
(1 image) 
You want a car that gets the job done? You want a car that's hassle free? You want a car that literally no one will ever compliment you on? Well look no further.
The 1999 Toyota Corolla.
Let's talk about features.
Bluetooth: nope
Sunroof: nope
Fancy wheels: nope
Rear view camera: nope...but it's got a transparent rear window and you have a fucking neck that can turn.
Let me tell you a story. One day my Corolla started making a strange sound. I didn't give a shit and ignored it. It went away. The End.
You could take the engine out of this car, drop it off the Golden Gate Bridge, fish it out of the water a thousand years later, put it in the trunk of the car, fill the gas tank up with Nutella, turn the key, and this puppy would fucking start right up.
This car will outlive you, it will outlive your children.
Things this car is old enough to do:
Vote: yes
Consent to sex: yes
Rent a car: it IS a car
This car's got history. It's seen some shit. People have done straight things in this car. People have done gay things in this car. It's not going to judge you like a fucking Volkswagen would.
Interesting facts:
This car's exterior color is gray, but it's interior color is grey.
In the owner's manual, oil is listed as "optional."
When this car was unveiled at the 1998 Detroit Auto Show, it caused all 2,000 attendees to spontaneously yawn. The resulting abrupt change in air pressure inside the building caused a partial collapse of the roof. Four people died. The event is chronicled in the documentary "Bored to Death: The Story of the 1999 Toyota Corolla"
You wanna know more? Great, I had my car fill out a Facebook survey.
Favorite food: spaghetti
Favorite tv show: Alf
Favorite band: tie between Bush and the Gin Blossoms
This car is as practical as a Roth IRA. It's as middle-of-the-road as your grandpa during his last Silver Alert. It's as utilitarian as a member of a church whose scripture is based entirely on water bills.
When I ran the CarFax for this car, I got back a single piece of paper that said, "It's a Corolla. It's fine."
Let's face the facts, this car isn't going to win any beauty contests, but neither are you. Stop lying to yourself and stop lying to your wife. This isn't the car you want, it's the car you deserve: The fucking 1999 Toyota Corolla.
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#5. To: Tooconservative (#0)
(Edited)
I'm from Detroit. My parents both worked for the Michigan unemployment office. I'm morally opposed to foreign cars, especially Japanese ones, because they half put Detroit out of business. I'm genetically opposed to foreign cars. My first car was a hand-me-down Ford Maverick my dad gave me as a graduation present. It had 92,000 miles on it. I drove if for another 151,000 miles, until the chassis rusted through and the car literally broke in half in my aunt's driveway when I stood on the doorframe. The motor still worked, and was taken out of the vehicle and stuck in another old beater by my aunt's nephew. But a Chevy blew up its engine and left me stranded on a rural Interstate the morning my mother died. And a brand-new Ford Taurus chewed up its transmission at the 50 mile mark. Repaired, it stranded me three times in the middle of the night when the power cut out. I used to work terrible hours. Getting stranded in the night when I'm trying to get home for a few hours of crappy sleep is not cool. And not acceptable. So I got a new car, and have been driving it for 11 years now. It has 90,000 miles on it and has never had a lick of trouble. except that the air conditioning coolant slowly leaks out and has to be replaced once every season. I only have to fill up the gas tank once a month. So, I love you Detroit, but I drive a Prius.
So, I love you Detroit, but I drive a Prius. Yeah, yeah, but it's kinda ugly even by Toyota standards. I've read that even doing a full battery replacement on a Prius isn't all that expensive (~$2500). So TCO isn't all that high on the hybrid Prius models even if you drive it a long way. Some people are getting the full 300,000 miles out of the original battery packs, I've read.
#7. To: Tooconservative (#6)
I'll get to 300,000 miles in about 24 years at the current pace. I'll let you know then. To me, a car is a transportation object. I am indifferent to appearance, and care only for reliability and price. My car currently is just the price of periodic maintenance. which is not high.
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#6. To: Vicomte13 (#5)
So I got a new car, and have been driving it for 11 years now. It has 90,000 miles on it and has never had a lick of trouble. except that the air conditioning coolant slowly leaks out and has to be replaced once every season. I only have to fill up the gas tank once a month.
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