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Weird Stuff/Unexplained
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Title: Local Mom Claims Vaccines Caused Her Son’s Calvinism
Source: The Babylon Bee
URL Source: http://babylonbee.com/news/local-mo ... accines-caused-sons-calvinism/
Published: Jul 14, 2017
Author: Bee staff
Post Date: 2017-07-14 16:43:18 by redleghunter
Keywords: None
Views: 143
Comments: 2

Local Mom Claims Vaccines Caused Her Son’s Calvinism

BOZEMAN, MT—Local mother Carrie Darling has been living with her 11-year-old son Ashton’s Calvinism for years now, and ever since his diagnosis she has never veered from her firm belief that his adoption of the theological framework was directly caused by the vaccines he received as a small child.

“He wasn’t like this until he got those vaccines—after that, things started changing, and he quickly developed a deep conviction of God’s sovereignty over the process of salvation,” Darling told reporters Wednesday.

“Out of nowhere he started disappearing into his room for hours at a time, poring over old books by dead white guys that he would secretly order on Amazon. It began harmlessly enough, with some Edwards, a little Bunyan, some sporadic bouts of Spurgeon—but we really grew worried when he started debating other first-graders on the doctrine of the two divine wills.”

A trip to a local Wesleyan pastor who moonlights as a holistic doctor confirmed the Darling’s worst fears: little Ashton was indeed Calvinistic, complete with a desire to give God all the glory for His saving grace.

“Think twice before you get your child vaccinated, especially if you come from an Arminian tradition,” the emotional mother said.

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#1. To: redleghunter (#0)

A brave mother, suffering through her son's chronic Calvinism.

At least we know that it isn't contagious.

As for the tyke's inclinations to debate, well, there is no point in debating anything if you're a thorough Calvinist.

Tooconservative  posted on  2017-07-14   16:51:56 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


#2. To: Tooconservative (#1)

At least we know that it isn't contagious.

LOL.

Much better articles at that site. A Christian "Onion" if you will. My buddy over at CF.com posited one which everyone there still thinks is real, but has generated some of the best comments in weeks. LOL.

He had me for a few posts it was so believable then I actually clicked on the link.

redleghunter  posted on  2017-07-14   16:54:19 ET  Reply   Trace   Private Reply  


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