Hi. I am 26 years old and have been smoking weed for about 10 years now. I took about a year and ½ off, but I basically smoke everyday if I have some. I have been married for almost 5 years and I have 2 children – a 4 month old boy and a 4 year old daughter. I have a very beautiful family and I want to stay with them forever. I have a good entry-level career (Microsoft Marketing) and we have a nice little house and nice cars, and lots of nice stuff. I guess you could say, on the surface, my life is as close to “perfect” as it gets. My wife does not smoke pot (she never has) and she does not want me to smoke either. I smoked when we met, but after I quit (for the time being) she admitted that it bothered her. I now smoke about 1 or 2 bowls per day from the pipe, at least 6 days a week. I can say that it has definitely affected me (and others close to me) in a negative way.
I have been bouncing from job to job over the last 4 years, very unsure of what I REALLY want to do. I get headaches daily and have to take at least 3 to 4 Excedrin every day. My sinus passages are all screwed up and I have to use a nasal spray every day just to breathe normally (which I dilute with saline solution, to prevent any hardcore damage). I have trouble focusing and usually (unintentionally) tune out whoever is talking to me (wife, boss, daughter, friends, etc), and I usually forget the little details that make ALL the difference. I wake up late almost every morning and have to speed my ass off to get to work, and I get really stressed and can feel my heart racing. I usually show up at least 5 to 10 minutes late every day, which has caused my boss to pull me into a room and rip me apart. I also have a chronic cough (get it?). I have lost any muscle mass that I used to have and now I’m a 6’2” skinny, weak guy with a big spare tire. I am pale and have chicken legs and puny arms, but my waistline is steadily growing from all the midnight munchies. I was hooked on energy drinks for a period of time, but stopped drinking them after my heart began to “flutter” as I was trying to go to sleep each night. I used to be an honors student (even more advanced than honors for some subjects) before I started smoking. I did make the Dean’s List in college during the year I wasn’t smoking. I used to be a hardcore skateboarder, and my only addiction was skating. I gradually stopped skating when I started smoking pot.
I absolutely fell in love with the herb and I still love it just as much. It makes me feel good. It makes me less stressed out. It makes me get more accomplished when I’m high. I’m really lazy and unmotivated when I’m sober. That’s how I know I’m addicted. I tried to go a week without it and I was getting HORRIBLE mood swings and worse headaches. I was just a mess. Then I got more pot and everything seemed fine again. I got high and began to think about my mood swings and was like “wow, I was acting like a complete fool when I didn’t have weed”. It was a scary revelation. I know I need to quit.
Every time I buy a sack, I tell myself it will be my last one. I have even thrown multiple glass pipes and full bags of hydro and shwag (sp?) out the window on the freeway, thinking I was going to give it up for good. But what happens? I make the phone call or text message a friend, I go to the head shop and buy a new piece (usually cheap $10 glass pipes), and I get a dime or maybe a quarter of herb. I’ll splurge for some good dro if I have a reason to celebrate. I’m very conservative with my herb and can make a quarter sack (7 to 8 grams) easily last 3 to 4 weeks, so I only smoke about 2 grams per week, which really isn’t much, but still more than 85% of the U.S. population.
The hardest thing about this situation is that my 2 BEST friends smoke (I’ve known these guys since I was a child) and I usually get them to hook me up. And my 21 year old brother-in-law smokes and has a VERY consistent dealer. I got him high for the first time about a year ago, and now he smokes MASSIVE amounts of herb every day and his life is falling apart. I feel very guilty. I never knew that he would get so addicted. I thought I was doing him a favor because his girlfriend of 4 years cheated on him and he was really angry and depressed. He was drinking A LOT and I wanted to expose him to something less harmful that could help him deal with his pain. I thought maybe he would smoke every once in a while, but I never wanted him to become dependent on the herb. Now he is drinking heavily, smoking heavily, abusing Xanax, and even snorting coke occasionally. I feel like this is all my fault.
As you can see, pot destroys lives. It prevents people from realizing their full potential and causes numerous health and emotional problems. It changes the way people think. It’s just not worth it. I’m struggling every day. I want to quit but I love herb so much and I just don’t know how to successfully quit without totally shutting out my best friends, but I don’t have the self-discipline to stop myself from picking up the phone and placing another order. Please pray for me.
