[Home]  [Headlines]  [Latest Articles]  [Latest Comments]  [Post]  [Mail]  [Sign-in]  [Setup]  [Help]  [Register] 

Police: Adults gave baby with broken leg marijuana; failed to seek treatment

Meet 'Oumuamua! The 1st Interstellar Visitor Ever Seen Gets a Name

Steve Martin's 'King Tut' Sketch Is Racist, Liberal Arts Students Say

Fake News Is Only the Beginning. The FCC Votes to Let Monopolies Decide What Local News You See

No, you’re not being paranoid. Sites really ARE watching your every move

JFK Files: The CIA Planned To Murder American Citizens In Miami And Blame It On Cuba During Operation Mongoose

Video So Gruesome, Cop Sentenced to 5 Years For Shooting Into Car of Teens, 16 Times

Study Debunks Feminism: Women Still Attracted to “Toxic Masculinity”

Student radio hosts yanked from air, suspended after using the word ‘tranny’

Cowboys, Truckers and Us

PV Police Chief's Gun Missing (Realizes he left it in the Library Bathroom, 4 days later)

General says he'd deny 'illegal' order for nuke strike

Happy Thanksgiving 2017!

Vegas Massacre Cover-Up: PR Firm Hired by Mandalay Bay Exposed Pushing Disinformation on Conspiracy Theories

20,000 DWI Cases May Be Thrown Out After Cop Arrested for Tampering With Breathalyzers

Country music legend Mel Tillis dead at 85

Helter skelter: The history of Charles Manson and rock 'n' roll

Grant Cardone was at Mandalay Hotel and he doesn't believe the official story

How a government-sanctioned scam in Newburgh Heights has taken thousands of dollars from drivers

The Cops Were Chasing a Shoplifter. They Ended Up Destroying an Innocent Man's Home.

Amtrak train smashes car in New Hampshire after GPS directed driver onto tracks

Cooking Hamburgers With Thermite

Making Charcoal the Easy Way

Homemade Gunpowder, For Science!

100% TWO ACTUAL SHOOTERS ON VIDEO IN VEGAS - According to Joe

Study reveals how a very low calorie diet can reverse type 2 diabetes

Trump’s overseas trips reap goodwill and trade agreements

Harvard University hosts anal sex workshop (Anal University)

AC/DC co-founder Malcolm Young dies aged 64

Apple's first vice president of diversity stepping down after six months in the job, report says

NY Times Reporter Calls For Censorship of Creepy Videos Of Joe Biden Inappropriately Touching Kids

Al Franken accuser says disgusting USO tour grope photo was an 'in your face' parting shot after nearly two weeks of being 'belittled and humiliated' by future senator

Alabama G.O.P. Says It Stands Behind Roy Moore

Florida Man Being Chased By Police Asks 911 To Call Donald Trump

Ex-Cops Who Fought Against Legal Weed Just Opened a Marijuana Business

Police mistook hibiscus plants for marijuana, arrested Buffalo Township couple, suit claims

Cops Accidentally Film Themselves Planting Cocaine in a Man’s Wallet

FDA, DEA Launch Massive Assault On Kratom – Drug War for Miracle Plant Ramping Up

‘Come Meet a Black Person’ Event in Atlanta

After Admitting to Secretly Experimenting on Troops, Army Refusing to Provide Them Medical Care

A Sheriff Just Threatened Charges Over ‘F*ck Trump’ Sticker — and the Internet Is Destroying Him

Cops Accuse Innocent Man of Breaking Into His Own Truck—So They Shot Him, Twice

"I've Been Banned From Facebook For Sharing An Article About False Flags"

Health Effects: Alcohol vs. Marijuana

Toledo Cops Raid Wrong House, Kill Dogs, Thousands in Damage

Clearwater Beach man facing eviction over emotional support squirrel

U.S. Chamber:"Dreamers" Make America, Americans Have No Role

FBI Seeks Senate Documents on Abortionists' Sale of Fetal Tissue, Body Parts

oman accuses Al Franken of kissing, groping her without consent

What is the worst restaurant experience you ever had?


Status: Not Logged In; Sign In

Humor
See other Humor Articles

Title: The Nervous Young Priest
Source: seen at AceOfSpades
URL Source: http://acecomments.mu.nu/?post=369828
Published: May 19, 2017
Author: some dude
Post Date: 2017-05-19 11:45:29 by Tooconservative
Keywords: None
Views: 149

A new priest was nervous about his first sermon, so he asked his monsignor for advice. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."

So the next Sunday at the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink, He proceeded to preach up a storm. After the service he returned to his office he found the following note on the door.

  1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.
  2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
  3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
  4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
  5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
  6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ and his apostles as J.C. and the boys.
  7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior, and the Spook.
  8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the crap out of him.
  9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say...he was stoned off his ass.
  10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T".
  11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it, for it is my body." He did not say, "Eat me."
  12. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry."
  13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the gurb, Yeah! God.
  14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

Post Comment   Private Reply   Ignore Thread  


[Home]  [Headlines]  [Latest Articles]  [Latest Comments]  [Post]  [Mail]  [Sign-in]  [Setup]  [Help]  [Register] 

Please report web page problems, questions and comments to webmaster@libertysflame.com