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Title: Trump Undecided About What Stupid Shit to Say Next
Source:
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URL Source: http://www.borowitzreport.com/2011/ ... -what-stupid-shit-to-say-next/
Published: May 4, 2011
Author: Andy Borowitz
Post Date: 2011-05-04 20:41:31 by Skip Intro
Keywords: None
Views: 6595
Comments: 14
Longest Period of Speechlessness on Record, Experts Say
NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report) – With the public’s attention focused on the death of Osama bin Laden, billionaire Donald Trump huddled with advisors for the second straight day to try to decide what stupid shit to say next.
“The bin Laden thing has definitely stolen the headlines from Donald,” said close associate and advisor Tracy Klugian. “The only way he can grab them back is by doing what he does best: saying something really fucked up.”
Trump’s two-day hiatus from spewing messed up shit is the longest on record, experts say, adding to the pressure on the billionaire to break his silence with something truly craptastic.
To that end, he has closeted himself with a circle of advisors including the Rev. Pat Robertson, former NBA star Charles Barkley, and the former voice of the Aflac duck, Gilbert Gottfried.
Mr. Trump has drawn up a short list of verbal turds that have potential, including attacking President Obama for overdue library books during his grade school years, but so far he has failed to come up with a comment that is both objectionable and ill informed enough to meet his high standards.
“People don’t know how much work goes into saying the stupid shit Donald says,” Mr. Klugian said. “He just makes it look easy.”
Elsewhere, in another setback for al-Qaeda, the terror network confirmed today that Osama bin Laden was the only person who knew the organization’s iTunes password.
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former NBA star Charles Barkley
So you hate niggers?
Now, I know I’m not going to change the minds of any of the True Believers…those who read all of Reverend Al’s sermons, and say things like, “You know, global warming can mean warmer OR colder, wetter OR drier, cloudier OR sunnier, windier OR calmer, …”. Can I get an ‘amen’??
#2. To: no gnu taxes (#1)
I was wondering if you forgot to nibble on Palin's teat today. You have a choice either left or right.
#3. To: buckeroo (#2)
I was wondering if you forgot to nibble on Palin's teat today. You have a choice either left or right.
Wrong gender. NGT is a Bush asshole man.
"I don't know where he is. I have no idea and I really don't care. It's not that important. It's not our priority." - George W. Bush
#4. To: Skip Intro (#3)
NGT is a Bush asshole man.
I am so ashamed to not have understood this point from the beginning. And, just when I thought the world had forgotten about "yukon" and now this stuff is flying back in our faces again.
When will they learn that the world is not all about themselves and a hole to plug?
#5. To: Skip Intro (#3)
Be nice to our forum parakeet. He's sensitive about being Bush's favorite dildo nose.
#6. To: no gnu taxes, AKA Stone (#1)
So you hate niggers?
Get rid of him or I leave. I can't have this website open on an office with vile crap like this on there.
"Keep Your Goddamn Government Hands Off My Medicare!" - Various Tea Party signs.
#7. To: Godwinson (#6)
You're in an office at 2 in the morning? If you are in an office, you should be working anyway, goldbrick.
Now, I know I’m not going to change the minds of any of the True Believers…those who read all of Reverend Al’s sermons, and say things like, “You know, global warming can mean warmer OR colder, wetter OR drier, cloudier OR sunnier, windier OR calmer, …”. Can I get an ‘amen’??
#8. To: Godwinson (#6)
The simple solution is you leave. Especially since you claim to be working.
war has to do something for entertainment. The voices in his head aren't speaking to him and his imaginary friends have found reasons not to come over anymore.
#9. To: Rudgear (#8)
So you guys are all unemployed? Typical welfare collecting Republicans.
"Keep Your Goddamn Government Hands Off My Medicare!" - Various Tea Party signs.
#10. To: no gnu taxes, AKA Stone (#7)
Stone, correct this behavior or you will be corrected.
"Keep Your Goddamn Government Hands Off My Medicare!" - Various Tea Party signs.
#11. To: Godwinson (#10)
I love it when you liberal racists threaten others.
war has to do something for entertainment. The voices in his head aren't speaking to him and his imaginary friends have found reasons not to come over anymore.
#12. To: Rudgear (#11)
Liberal racists? What you say must make sense to other kooks but I don't speak kook talk.
"Keep Your Goddamn Government Hands Off My Medicare!" - Various Tea Party signs.
#13. To: Godwinson (#12)
Rudy has "issues". Never at the cool kids table despite his parents efforts to buy him friends...
America...My Kind Of Place...
#14. To: Godwinson (#6)
Get rid of him or I leave.
Not going to happen. Stone likes the term just as much as padlock does.
Anyway, even if he was banned he'd just show up ten minutes later with a new handle. He's already done that a couple of hundred times now.
I say let him stay. He's the perfect face of the Republican party these days.
"I don't know where he is. I have no idea and I really don't care. It's not that important. It's not our priority." - George W. Bush
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