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Title: You might be a left head, if
Source:
American Thinker
URL Source: http://www.americanthinker.com/blog ... u_might_be_a_left_head_if.html
Published: Apr 30, 2011
Author: James Lewis
Post Date: 2011-04-30 22:11:10 by CZ82
Keywords: None
Views: 2507
Comments: 2
You might be a left head, if ... James Lewis Remember redneck jokes? Blonde jokes? Polish jokes? So --- why don't we have leftie jokes? The United States is infested by out-of-control lefties swarming around the media like body lice. Why don't we scratch where it itches? To start making up for our humor deficit, here are a few starting ideas. Please add your own. Extra points for funny. "You might be a left head if... •You can't tell "it's" from "its." •Your mind cuts out after one tweet a day. •You think "like" is part of English grammar. •You believe Jerk Rap is better than Mozart. •You feel sure that 2 + 2 equals 5 in some cultures. •You think snowstorms prove global warming. •You believe God is dead but Karl Marx lives. •You secretly think human history started when you woke up in high school. •You've had at least twelve years of education, but you can't read, write, add, subtract, multiply or divide, or make any sense. •Your eyes glaze over when somebody talks facts and logic. •You never liked history because it has too many dates. •You're twelve years old and feel ready to have a baby. •You think undocumented immigrants lost their documents someplace. •You think blacks can't be racists. •You consider Al Sharpton to be a spiritual leader. •You want to spend your life doing good for humanity, but you can't stand math, science, business, accounting, agriculture, economics or engineering. Or work. •You think the Nazis were conservatives. •You're sure you're a Progressive but can't explain what that means. If anything. •You believe Karl Marx gave human rights to women, blacks, and gays. •You think the Soviet Union was a good idea. •You think the most intellectually stuck president in history is a genius. •You think ObamaCare will balance the budget. •You think Bill Maher is funny. •You think race baiting is a perfectly good political argument. •You believe anything in the New York Times. Anything. A-n-y-t-h-i-n-g. •You know in your heart that people who don't agree with you are evil, racist, sexist, gay-hating, and Islamophobes. •You think America deserved 9/11. •You're scared about Islamophobia, but not about suicide bombers with nukes. •You believe Christians should not be allowed to criticize Muslims. •You think it's ok for Hamas to kill families in Israel, but it's not ok for Israel to strike Hamas. •You think that all drugs should be legalized, because people will use less of them if they're cheap and legal. •You think Christians are evil, but Muslim terrorists deserve more sympathy and understanding. •You think the media tell the truth. •You think Obama never tells a lie. Next time: How to be a media-celebrated idiot savant.
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#1. To: CZ82 (#0)
You Might Be A Conservative... You might be a conservative if... You think "proletariat" is a type of cheese. You've named your kids "Deduction one" and "Deduction two." You've tried to argue that poverty could be abolished if people were just allowed to keep more of their minimum wage. You've ever referred to someone as "my (insert racial or ethnic minority here) friend" You've ever tried to prove Jesus was a capitalist and opposed to welfare. You're a pro-lifer, but support the death penalty. You think Huey Newton is a cookie. The only union you support is the Baseball Players, because heck, they're richer than you. You think you might remember laughing once as a kid. You once broke loose at a party and removed your neck tie. You call mall rent-a-cops "jack-booted thugs." You've ever referred to the moral fiber of something. You've ever uttered the phrase, "Why don't we just bomb the sons of bitches." You've ever said, "I can't wait to get into business school." You've ever called a secretary or waitress "Tootsie." You answer to "The Man." You don't think "The Simpsons" is all that funny, but you watch it because that Flanders fellow makes a lot of sense. You fax the FBI a list of "Commies in my Neighborhood." You don't let your kids watch Sesame Street because you suspect Bert and Ernie of "sexual deviance." You use any of these terms to describe your wife: Old ball and chain, little woman, old lady, tax credit... You scream "Dit-dit-ditto" while making love. You've argued that art has a "moral foundation set in Western values." When people say "Marx," you think "Groucho." You've ever yelled, "Hey hippie, get a haircut." You think Birkenstok was that radical rock concert in 1969. You argue that you need 300 handguns, in case a bear ever attacks your home. Vietnam makes a lot of sense to you. You point to Hootie and the Blowfish as evidence of the end of racism in America. You've ever said "civil liberties, schmivil schmiberties." You've ever said "Clean air? Looks clean to me." You've ever referred to Anita Hill as a "lying bitch" while attending a Bob Packwood fund-raiser. You spent MLK Day reading "The Bell Curve." You've ever called education a luxury. You look down through a glass ceiling and chuckle. You wonder if donations to the Pentagon are tax-deductable. You came of age in the '60s and don't remember Bob Dylan. You own a vehicle with an "Ollie North: American Hero" sticker. You're afraid of the "liberal media." You ever based an argument on the phrase, "Well, tradition dictates...." You've ever called the National Endowment for the Arts a bunch of pornographers. You think all artists are gay. You ever told a child that Oscar the Grouch "lives in a trash can because he is lazy and doesn't want to contribute to society." You've ever urged someone to pull themselves up by their bootstraps, when they don't even have shoes. You confuse Lenin with Lennon. •You can't tell "it's" from "its." [snicker]
America...My Kind Of Place...
#2. To: CZ82, Badeye, go65 (#0)
"You might be a left head if...
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