Humor
See other Humor Articles
Title: New Definitons
Source:
E-Mail
URL Source: http://N/A
Published: Apr 12, 2011
Author: None
Post Date: 2011-04-12 19:36:31 by CZ82
Keywords: None
Views: 104103
Comments: 143
The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again invited readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.
Here are the winners:
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject
financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus : A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
3. Intaxicaton : Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you
realize it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright
ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign
of breaking down in the near future.
6. Foreploy : Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of
getting laid..
7. Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very, very high
8. Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person
who doesn't get it.
9. Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10. Osteopornosis : A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
11. Karmageddon : It's like, when everybody is sending off all these
really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a
serious bummer.
12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day
consuming only things that are good for you.
13. Glibido : All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler Effect : The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they
come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've
accidentally walked through a spider web.
16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your
bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the
fruit you're eating.
The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly
contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common
words.
And the winners are:
1. Coffee , n. The person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted , adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has
gained.
3. Abdicate , v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade , v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly , adj. Impotent.
6. Negligent , adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a
nightgown.
7. Lymph , v. To walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle , n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence , n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run
over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash , n. A rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle , n. A humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude , n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon , n. A Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster , n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism , n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up
onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent , n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish
men
Poster Comment:
5. Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright
ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign
of breaking down in the near future.
Isn't this where the Liberals live?????
Post Comment Private Reply Ignore Thread
Top • Page Up • Full Thread • Page Down • Bottom/Latest
Comments (1-69) not displayed.
.
.
.
#70. To: diva betsy ross, buckerooAll (#62)
For a self-proclaimed highly intellectual person, it sure takes you an inordinate amount of time to formulate an answer. What's your problem DBR, are you a psycho just like buckeroo?
Actually, I feel sorry for you, Rudgear. Being hatched on a fencepost would probably make anyone a retarded POS!.
#71. To: CZ82 (#0)
4. Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
LOL! These are great! Every single one of them.
#72. To: diva betsy ross (#10)
You see these posters all line up together and ping each other, and bring their games over here, from over there.
Why is it that no one here actually comments on the contents of the thread? Everyone seems so busy infighting. Seems like a couple of participants know only a few words or acronyms (primarily extensions of LOL). Maybe this humorous piece will increase their vocabularies.
#73. To: diva betsy ross, All (#70)
For a self-proclaimed highly intellectual person, it sure takes you an inordinate amount of time to formulate an answer. What's your problem DBR, are you a psycho?
Actually, I feel sorry for you, Rudgear. Being hatched on a fencepost would probably make anyone a retarded POS!.
#74. To: yukon (#50)
You and your ilk aren't very bright. You are too stupid to be embarrassed. So gullible to be suckered and not man enough to admit it.
The vast majority are NOT buying your "I wuz haCked" FAIRY tale, and are getting quite a kick out of watching you squirm through your various attempts to vilify anyone not buying it.
Makes ya mad enough to want to scratch their eyes out, doesn't it, twink.
And the sheep will bleat their submission,
Seeing the others as fools,
Not knowing nor even caring,
They've become no more than tools.
Burma Shave.
#75. To: Wood_Chopper (#74)
The vast majority
ROTFLOLAY! Have you been contracting CNN for polling? Let's see the results, dipwad! I point at and laugh at you easily duped morons.
You and your ilk aren't very bright. You are too stupid to be embarrassed. So gullible to be suckered and not man enough to admit it
Actually, I feel sorry for you, Rudgear. Being hatched on a fencepost would probably make anyone a retarded POS!.
#76. To: CZ82 (#0) (Edited)
The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again invited readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.
yucon,v. attempt to bullshit someone. example: "He yuconed everyone, but they laughed in his face."
And the sheep will bleat their submission,
Seeing the others as fools,
Not knowing nor even caring,
They've become no more than tools.
Burma Shave.
#77. To: Zesta (#72)
Welcome to the site Zesta. Hopefully the "fag wars" will end soon.
#78. To: Zesta (#72)
lol ... ROTFLAMO ...
Welcome ...
Oh, I feel certain your "humorous piece will increase vocabularies" here on LF.
I feel certain we will learn a great deal from you.
#79. To: Wood_Chopper (#74)
The vast majority
You've yet to post any names, gasbag diva!
Actually, I feel sorry for you, Rudgear. Being hatched on a fencepost would probably make anyone a retarded POS!.
#80. To: yukon (#79)
see post #76.
And the sheep will bleat their submission,
Seeing the others as fools,
Not knowing nor even caring,
They've become no more than tools.
Burma Shave.
#81. To: Wood_Chopper (#80)
see post #76.
You've yet to post any names, COWARDLY gasbag diva!
Actually, I feel sorry for you, Rudgear. Being hatched on a fencepost would probably make anyone a retarded POS!.
#82. To: yukon (#81)
You truly are a MASTER baiter.
And the sheep will bleat their submission,
Seeing the others as fools,
Not knowing nor even caring,
They've become no more than tools.
Burma Shave.
#83. To: yukon (#81)
It's readily apparent you're in over your head.
Maybe you ought to back-channel your butt-buddies for help.
Bring em!
And the sheep will bleat their submission,
Seeing the others as fools,
Not knowing nor even caring,
They've become no more than tools.
Burma Shave.
#84. To: Wood_Chopper (#82)
MASTER baiter.
Is that your twin, COWARDLY gasbag diva?
Actually, I feel sorry for you, Rudgear. Being hatched on a fencepost would probably make anyone a retarded POS!.
#85. To: Wood_Chopper (#83)
It's readily apparent you're in over your head.
You've yet to post any names, COWARDLY gasbag diva!
Actually, I feel sorry for you, Rudgear. Being hatched on a fencepost would probably make anyone a retarded POS!.
#86. To: yukon (#85)
Bet you're pissed enough to scratch someones' eyes out!
And the sheep will bleat their submission,
Seeing the others as fools,
Not knowing nor even caring,
They've become no more than tools.
Burma Shave.
#87. To: Wood_Chopper (#86)
I point at and laugh at you, COWARDLY gasbag diva! LOLAYDA!
Actually, I feel sorry for you, Rudgear. Being hatched on a fencepost would probably make anyone a retarded POS!.
#88. To: yukon (#87)
I point at and laugh at you, COWARDLY gasbag diva! LOLAYDA!
And most likely you're skipping while you're doing it, with the non-pointing arm flapping in the air, elbow tucked neatly into your side.
And the sheep will bleat their submission,
Seeing the others as fools,
Not knowing nor even caring,
They've become no more than tools.
Burma Shave.
#89. To: Wood_Chopper (#88)
And most likely you're skipping while you're doing it
Drinking a Guinness Draught and laughing as I make you dance by remote, little marionette.
Actually, I feel sorry for you, Rudgear. Being hatched on a fencepost would probably make anyone a retarded POS!.
#90. To: yukon (#89)
Drinking a Guinness Draught and laughing as I make you dance by remote, little marionette.
It is fun to watch you make him dance ...
#91. To: yukon (#89)
Drinking a Guinness Draught and laughing as I make you dance by remote, little marionette.
Sure twink, sure.
You talk like a fag. "Dance"?????? "little marionette" ????????
You're not doing much in the way to bolster your FAIRY tale.
And the sheep will bleat their submission,
Seeing the others as fools,
Not knowing nor even caring,
They've become no more than tools.
Burma Shave.
#92. To: Tater (#90)
It is fun to watch you make him dance ...
Give up on getting me banned?? LMAO.
And the sheep will bleat their submission,
Seeing the others as fools,
Not knowing nor even caring,
They've become no more than tools.
Burma Shave.
#93. To: Wood_Chopper, yukon (#92)
Give up on getting me banned?? LMAO.
How can I give up on something I never tried ... stupid?
ROTFLMAO ...
Yukon, pull his strings some more ...
#94. To: Tater (#93) (Edited)
Yukon, pull his strings some more ...
"Dehhhhhhh, hey yukon, deeehhhh, pull his strings summore, deeeeehhhhhhhhh".
Didn't I see you playing a banjo in the movie "Deliverance"???
You really think anyone here takes you, yukon, or any of the hit squad seriously since I spent hours exposing you guys last night???
Jesus "Gatlin", get a fucking clue!
And the sheep will bleat their submission,
Seeing the others as fools,
Not knowing nor even caring,
They've become no more than tools.
Burma Shave.
#95. To: Wood_Chopper, Tater (#94)
Jesus "Gatlin", get a fucking clue!
You appear to be angry enough to scratch someone's eyes out, diva! LOLAY!
Actually, I feel sorry for you, Rudgear. Being hatched on a fencepost would probably make anyone a retarded POS!.
#96. To: yukon (#95)
You appear to be angry enough to scratch someone's eyes out, diva! LOLAY!
You're powerless here yukon. Your tactics, your "group" ... all of it, has been exposed.
You guys are doing nothing now except making even bigger fools of yourselves than you did previously. Nobody takes you, Gatlin or any of the others seriously. Your juvenile tauntings and "ganging on" have no effect other than to make people laugh at you.
Go back to LP, where you're protected by Goldi's skirts.
And the sheep will bleat their submission,
Seeing the others as fools,
Not knowing nor even caring,
They've become no more than tools.
Burma Shave.
#97. To: Wood_Chopper (#94)
Jesus "Gatlin", get a fucking clue!
Alex, "I'll take a fucking clue for a thousand."
BTW, I am not Jesus Gatlin ... just Gatlin, please.
I know how highly you must think of me ... but that is going a little overboard, dontcah think?
#98. To: Wood_Chopper, all (#96)
Go back to LP, where you're protected by Goldi's skirts.
When you people are ripping me and saying I protect people. Make sure you say that you are being protected by Stones "muscles".
#99. To: Wood_Chopper (#94)
Didn't I see you playing a banjo in the movie "Deliverance"???
Nah, I was Burt Reynolds.
#100. To: A K A Stone (#98)
When you people are ripping me and saying I protect people. Make sure you say that you are being protected by Stones "muscles".
You'll be the first I ping to it, should it ever occur.
And the sheep will bleat their submission,
Seeing the others as fools,
Not knowing nor even caring,
They've become no more than tools.
Burma Shave.
#101. To: Wood_Chopper (#94)
... since I spent hours exposing you guys last night???
Better you "attempt" to expose us ... than to continue exposing yourself in public parks.
Ya think ...
#102. To: Tater (#101)
see #96.
And the sheep will bleat their submission,
Seeing the others as fools,
Not knowing nor even caring,
They've become no more than tools.
Burma Shave.
#103. To: Wood_Chopper, Zesta, yukon (#96)
all of it, has been exposed.
I didn't know you were playing that close attention to my zipper.
You stop it now ... ya hear, just stop it.
lol (sorry Zesta ... yukon made me do that).
#104. To: Wood_Chopper (#102)
see #96.
Nah, I am not interested in seeing "96" ... "69" woud be far better.
I hate that back to back stuff ...
We can stop this anytime you wish to ... just let me know when you are ready.
#105. To: A K A Stone (#77)
I would say that your problem here is not all that unusual. In every forum I've ever been on the pointless "flame-fight" threads get all the play. ("I'll admit to posting a couple of them but I really feel that Goldi's version of the Snooker-Thon was a relevant issue because she was asking for checks made out so that anybody and their dog could cash them and that was basically my reason for posting them.)
The Fed EXPOSED!!! The FARO RESERVE BANK!!!
#106. To: Wood_Chopper (#104)
Would you still like to learn about my distinguished military career?
You were asking about it last night.
#107. To: Tater (#103)
again, see post #96.
You're powerless here at LF.
Go back to LP and hide behind Goldi's skirts.
And the sheep will bleat their submission,
Seeing the others as fools,
Not knowing nor even caring,
They've become no more than tools.
Burma Shave.
#108. To: Wood_Chopper (#107)
again, see post #96.
Nah, AGAIN ... not interested.
#109. To: Wood_Chopper (#107)
You're powerless here at LF.
Who wants power when they have charm, personality and money?
#110. To: Wood_Chopper (#107)
And the sheep will bleat their submission,
Baaaah Baaaah ... I think your sheep need attending to.
.
.
.
Comments (111 - 143) not displayed.
Top • Page Up • Full Thread • Page Down • Bottom/Latest
[Home] [Headlines] [Latest Articles] [Latest Comments] [Post] [Mail] [Sign-in] [Setup] [Help] [Register]