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Humor
See other Humor Articles

Title: Civilized Flames
Source: [None]
URL Source: [None]
Published: Jan 28, 2011
Author: sneakypete
Post Date: 2011-01-28 12:47:04 by sneakypete
Ping List: *Humor*     Subscribe to *Humor*
Keywords: None
Views: 5167
Comments: 10

These glorious insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words.

The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor: She said, "If you were my husband I'd poison your tea." He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."

A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease." "That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."

"He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." -Winston Churchill

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." Clarence Darrow

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.." - Oscar Wilde

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response.

"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." - Stephen Bishop

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." - Irvin S. Cobb

"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson

"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating

"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." -Charles, Count Talleyrand

"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tuckeruncl

"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde

"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx


Poster Comment:

I figured I'd post this after all the recent discussions about people insulting each other here and other places. Subscribe to *Humor*

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Begin Trace Mode for Comment # 9.

#1. To: sneakypete (#0)

In other words, you can't or won't give up the insults as part of your posting personality?

Godwinson  posted on  2011-01-28   12:52:10 ET  Reply   Untrace   Trace   Private Reply  


#7. To: Godwinson (#1)

This is a very humorous thread topic.

You are the type of person who would die and go to hell and sent all eternity complaining about the climate control system and dunning the devil for the phone number for the local ACLU office to complain about how your rights are being trampled on there.

You would also bore everyone with how upset you were the noose used to hang you was improperly tied as you counted only twelve wraps in the knot instead of the requisite thirteen.

Ferret Mike  posted on  2011-01-28   20:02:49 ET  Reply   Untrace   Trace   Private Reply  


#8. To: Ferret Mike (#7)

You are the type of person who would die and go to hell and sent all eternity complaining about the climate control system and dunning the devil for the phone number for the local ACLU office to complain about how your rights are being trampled on there.

Probably my Catholic upbringing would have me do that.

Godwinson  posted on  2011-01-28   20:33:03 ET  Reply   Untrace   Trace   Private Reply  


#9. To: Godwinson (#8)

my Catholic upbringing would have me do that

I blame the clergy for not beating you enough.

Hondo68  posted on  2011-01-29   3:12:41 ET  Reply   Untrace   Trace   Private Reply  


Replies to Comment # 9.

#10. To: hondo68 (#9)

Why? Are you a child molester?

Godwinson  posted on  2011-01-29 03:44:38 ET  Reply   Untrace   Trace   Private Reply  


End Trace Mode for Comment # 9.

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