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Latest Articles: Humor
Psst -- The Holder Tapes
Post Date: 2011-04-24 07:46:46 by CZ82
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Psst -- The Holder Tapes By Clarice Feldman I'm letting you in on a secret. No President since Nixon -- until now -- has had secretly taped conversations in the Oval Office. President Obama , however, decided it would be prudent to tape all his conversations with his Attorney General Eric Holder. Something inside warned him that it would be worthwhile to have proof when it hits the fan. As the char in that room, I came across the transcript of the tapes and while I haven't them all, I was able to duplicate the series called "Rising Gas Prices" and here, for your eyes only, are the relevant passages. **** President: I called you in here for a talk on something very ...
Obama Hiding from Glenn Beck
Post Date: 2011-04-23 10:43:43 by CZ82
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Hope and change
Post Date: 2011-04-23 10:22:02 by CZ82
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Another Obama Speech????
Post Date: 2011-04-23 10:14:12 by CZ82
11 Comments
Can a Lizard Raise Your Gas Prices?
Post Date: 2011-04-23 09:33:30 by CZ82
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Can a Lizard Raise Your Gas Prices? Russ Vaughn Our nation is struggling to come out of a long, debilitating recession and hoping to stave off a double dip back into a recessionary economy. Rising prices in the petroleum industry and the inflation that results may very well be the determining factors in pushing America's economy back into an even deeper trough. Here we are, looking at $5.00 a gallon gas and rocketing prices on consumer goods and what are the feds doing here in New Mexico, one of the nation's leading oil and gas producing states, to help alleviate our pain? Would you believe me if I told you they may be trying to drastically reduce gas and petroleum production in ...
Harley Biker
Post Date: 2011-04-22 17:45:13 by CZ82
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A Harley biker is riding by the zoo in Washington , DC when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents. The biker jumps off his Harley, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch. Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly. A reporter has watched the whole event. The reporter addressing the Harley rider says, 'Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I've seen a man do in my whole ...
My new F250 Truck
Post Date: 2011-04-22 17:42:14 by CZ82
2 Comments
I bought a new Ford F250 Tri-Flex Fuel Truck Go figure it runs on either hydrogen, gasoline, or E85. I returned to the dealer yesterday because I couldn't get the radio to work… The service technician explained that the radio was voice activated. 'Nelson,' the technician said to the radio. The radio replied, 'Ricky or Willie?' 'Willie!' he continued and 'On The Road Again' came from the speakers. Then he said, 'Ray Charles!', and in an instant ' Georgia On My Mind' replaced Willie Nelson. I drove away happy, and for the next few days, every time I'd say, 'Beethoven,' I'd get beautiful classical music, and if I ...
Internet Forum Debate
Post Date: 2011-04-22 16:37:31 by Get Outta Dodge!
14 Comments
Poster Comment:This is a complete summary of all that has ever been posted at LP. We can all sign off, now.
The Dangers of Sleeping in Dumpsters
Post Date: 2011-04-18 16:14:04 by CZ82
2 Comments
The Dangers of Sleeping in Dumpsters "A Waste Management driver making the rounds in a Shady Grove research office park yesterday got the 4 a.m. scare of his life when he emptied a park Dumpster into his truck -- and a man climbed out of the garbage. 'He looked out his sindshield and saw legs coming down,' said Capt. John Rooney of Montgomery County Fire and Rescue" (Susan Levine, The Washington Post, March 31, 1998). "Waste Management Inc. said the man apparently had been sleeping in a different Dumpster around the corner in the 2400 block of Research Boulevard. The driver made a pickup there, compacted his load once and continued to his next stop, where he was ...
Oldie but goodie
Post Date: 2011-04-17 17:41:53 by CZ82
1 Comments
Remind your Liberal friends that more people died in Teddy Kennedy's car than were killed at Three Mile Island.
More of Little Johnny
Post Date: 2011-04-17 14:34:41 by CZ82
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Democrat salesmanship put to use The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship. Little Sally led off: "I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30," she said proudly, "My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success." "Very good," said the teacher. Little Jenny was next: "I sold magazines," she said, "I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events." "Very good, Jenny," said the teacher.. Eventually, it ...
Depends
Post Date: 2011-04-15 17:33:00 by CZ82
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Depends-Protecting Liberals since 1823 For those times when they actually have to face, tell or admit the truth!!!!!!
Liberal Date Night
Post Date: 2011-04-15 17:19:19 by CZ82
3 Comments
Public Service Announcement-Teach your Liberal neighbor how to shoot a gun!!!!
Post Date: 2011-04-15 16:36:20 by CZ82
2 Comments
New Definitons [Full Thread]
Post Date: 2011-04-12 19:36:31 by CZ82
143 Comments
The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again invited readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are the winners: 1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time. 2. Ignoranus : A person who's both stupid and an asshole. 3. Intaxicaton : Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with. 4. Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly. 5. Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone ...
Buddy Hackett-Elephant Trunk
Post Date: 2011-04-11 18:35:25 by CZ82
1 Comments
A Message for Rosie O'Donnell
Post Date: 2011-04-09 15:16:22 by CZ82
0 Comments
Obama Supporters are Idiots!
Post Date: 2011-04-09 15:05:43 by CZ82
2 Comments
Little farm boy
Post Date: 2011-04-09 14:47:32 by CZ82
2 Comments
A little boy comes down to breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he had done his chores. "Not yet," said the little boy. His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores. Well, he's a little teed off, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken. He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig. He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal. "How come I don't get any eggs and bacon? Why don't I have any milk in my cereal?" he asks. "Well," his mother says, "I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs for a week. I saw ...
Colorado Democratic Voter Fraud & More
Post Date: 2011-04-08 17:02:36 by Happy Quanzaa
1 Comments
Windshield Bug
Post Date: 2011-04-02 13:36:11 by CZ82
4 Comments
Windshield Bug A man and a woman were driving down the road, arguing about his deplorable infidelity when suddenly the woman reached over, unzipped his fly and sliced the man's penis off. Angrily, she tossed it out the car window. Driving behind the couple was a man and his 6-year-old daughter. The little girl was chatting away at her father when all of a sudden the penis smacked their car windshield, stuck for a moment, then flew off. Surprised, the daughter asked, 'Daddy, what the heck was that?' Shocked, but not wanting to expose his little girl to anything sexual at such a young age, the father replied, 'It....it was only a bug, Honey.' The daughter sat with a ...
World's Shortest Books
Post Date: 2011-04-02 13:32:47 by CZ82
23 Comments
World's Shortest Books THINGS I DID TO DESERVE THE NOBEL PEACE PRIZE by Barack Obama MY BLACK GIRLFRIENDS by Tiger Woods THINGS I LOVE ABOUT MY COUNTRY by Jane Fonda & Cindy Sheehan Illustrated by Michael Moore Forward by George Soros MY CHRISTIAN ACCOMPLISHMENTS & HOW I HELPED AFTER KATRINA by Rev Jesse Jackson & Rev Al Sharpton THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BILL by Hillary Clinton _ Sequel: THINGS I LOVE ABOUT HILLARY by Bill Clinton THINGS I CANNOT AFFORD by Bill Gates THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY by Dennis Rodman THINGS WE KNOW TO BE TRUE by Al Gore & John Kerry HOW TO LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST by Dr. Jack Kevorkian TO ALL THE MEN WE ...
Maledol
Post Date: 2011-04-02 07:59:35 by CZ82
0 Comments
Poster Comment:It think this is appropriate considering all of the "DRAMA" on here last night
The Best Smart Ass Answers
Post Date: 2011-04-02 00:11:32 by CZ82
1 Comments
The Best Smart Ass Answers SMART ASS ANSWER #6 It was mealtime during an airline flight. 'Would you like dinner?' the flight attendant asked John, seated in front: 'What are my choices?' John asked. 'Yes or no,' she replied. SMART ASS ANSWER #5 A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat, she said, 'Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub.' SMART ASS ANSWER #4 A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. ...
Levi's Commercial
Post Date: 2011-04-01 19:46:46 by CZ82
0 Comments
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