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Latest Articles: Humor
Farm Kid Writes Home After Joining the Marines
Post Date: 2017-07-27 08:05:22 by Deckard
0 Comments
Dear Ma and Pa: I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled. I was restless at first because you get to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m. But I am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot, and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing. Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there’s warm water. Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, ...
Police PR Training Video
Post Date: 2017-07-26 12:15:14 by Hondo68
1 Comments
PR exec. Steve Sharp shows SWAT how to resurrect their public image with one simple rule: don't shoot beloved family pets.
Communists in China are Afraid of Winnie the Pooh
Post Date: 2017-07-24 01:35:21 by Anthem
1 Comments
Chinese censors have set their sights on Winnie the Pooh, or “Little Bear Winnie”, as he’s known there. Searches and comments with references to him, have been blocked with the error message “this content is illegal.”Although the Chinese government hasn’t given an official reason, censorship in China is used almost exclusively to protect the image of the regime. Pooh has, in China, popularly been used as a comparison to President Xi Jinping for the past four years or so, in increasing popularity. Not a half bad meme, but probably the reason for the show’s complete censorship.Many important facts remain mysteries to the 1.3 billion people that call China ...
The Catastrophe That Ran For President
Post Date: 2017-07-17 11:09:46 by IbJensen
1 Comments
hen Hillary loses her temper all Hell literally breaks loose. "Where is the G-damn f**king flag? I want the G-damn f**king flag up every f**king morning at f**king sunrise." (From the book "Inside The White House" by Ronald Kessler, p. 244 - Hillary to the staff at the Arkansas Governor's mansion on Labor Day, 1991) "You sold out, you mother f**ker! You sold out!" (From the book "Inside" by Joseph Califano, p. 213 - Hillary yelling at Democrat lawyer.) "It's been said, and I think it's accurate, that my husband was obsessed by terrorism in general and al-Qaida in particular." (Hillary telling a post-9/11 world what a ...
Guess which site is broken again, right on schedule?
Post Date: 2017-07-14 16:56:44 by Hank Rearden
21 Comments
Oh, boo-hoo. Gimme, gimme, gimme. This is what about $1,000 per DAY gets you; a 1995 BBS running on Windows ME. How many more millions needed before posts can be edited? I'm very sorry (again), but our recurring response time nightmare is back (again). The good news, though, is John has finally checked in. He's been out of town a lot in the last couple weeks dealing with some urgent family issues regarding his other half's adopted child. Praying that works out soon. He also says his phone needs to be replaced and has not had time to get it done. The bad news is, he has not been able to resolve our server issue yet. He suspects it's some kind of intermittent error in our ...
'Too stupid for sandwiches': New York Times columnist, 55, is mocked for writing about leaving a gourmet sandwich shop with friend who has 'just a high school degree' because she felt overwhelmed by the fancy meats on the menu like capicollo
Post Date: 2017-07-12 09:25:17 by cranky
1 Comments
David Brooks made the comment in a piece titled, How We Are Ruining America The 55-year-old writer was trying to discuss informal social barriers in society'Recently I took a friend with only a high school degree to lunch. Insensitively, I led her into a gourmet sandwich shop,' he wrote, kicking off the awkward story He recounted how his friend was seeming put-off by item names on the menu 'I quickly asked her if she wanted to go somewhere else and she anxiously nodded yes and we ate Mexican,' he wrote, wrapping up the strange anecdoteA New York Times columnist has been mocked after he described taking a friend with 'only a high school degree' to a Mexican restaurant ...
Why Women Should Not Vote (or talk about politics)
Post Date: 2017-07-10 08:42:57 by Anthem
2 Comments
Jimmy Carter: The U.S. Is an “Oligarchy With Unlimited Political Bribery”
Post Date: 2017-07-07 10:31:13 by Anthem
4 Comments
Former president Jimmy Carter said Tuesday on the nationally syndicated radio show the Thom Hartmann Program that the United States is now an “oligarchy” in which “unlimited political bribery” has created “a complete subversion of our political system as a payoff to major contributors.” Both Democrats and Republicans, Carter said, “look upon this unlimited money as a great benefit to themselves.” Carter was responding to a question from Hartmann about recent Supreme Court decisions on campaign financing like Citizens United. Transcript: HARTMANN: Our Supreme Court has now said, “unlimited money in politics.” It seems like a violation of ...
Trump supporter meltdown rebuttal of Richard Cranium (Dick Head) tweet
Post Date: 2017-07-05 16:23:18 by Hondo68
1 Comments
Poster Comment:Fake from tweet to finish. Typical Trumpkin CT freak fanboi.
Cops Hunt For Chrome-Domed Rogaine Bandit
Post Date: 2017-07-01 18:56:07 by Anthem
0 Comments
Bald suspect is being sought for theft at Michigan pharmacy JUNE 30--Michigan police are seeking the public’s assistance in apprehending a bald Rogaine thief. According to cops, the suspect last week swiped seven boxes of the hair regrowth product from a CVS pharmacy in Dearborn. The chrome-domed culprit then placed the Rogaine in a shopping bag, exited the store, and drove away in an “older model Chevrolet,” police report. As seen above, the suspect--wearing an “Air Force Dad” t-shirt--was recorded by CVS surveillance cameras as he entered the store on June 22. Dearborn police suspect the perp will again try to steal Rogaine since “12–14 months of ...
CNN Tries To Move Forward After Its Latest Humiliation
Post Date: 2017-06-29 15:44:31 by Tooconservative
2 Comments
“Ladies, gentlemen, and non-binary beings who refuse to be forced into one or more specific genders,” began CNN Worldwide President Jeff Zucker, employing the network’s prescribed group salutation. “I have gathered you all today here in the CNN newsroom to discuss this Anthony Scaramucci Russia story we retracted and how it has had a negative impact on our network’s sterling reputation for journalistic integrity and objectivity. Hey, pay attention! Stop laughing!” The room quieted down. Even Don Lemon looked up from the bar, where he was mixing a cosmopolitan. “Listen, people….,” Zucker began. “I identify as an otherkin and that’s ...
Iran Uses Star Of David As Missile Test Target
Post Date: 2017-06-29 08:22:42 by cranky
6 Comments
Iran recently used a Star of David as a target for a ballistic missile test, Israel’s envoy to the UN said Wednesday, releasing satellite images of the site to the United Nations Security Council. The Star of David was used as a target for a mid-range “Qiam” ballistic missile test in December last year, a statement from the Permanent Mission of Israel to the United Nations said. “This use of the Star of David as target practice is hateful and unacceptable,” Israel’s Ambassador to the UN Danny Danon said to the Council. A grainy image shows the Jewish symbol and next to it an impact crater can be seen. “The missile launch is not only a direct violation of ...
Leafly's High Five
Post Date: 2017-06-28 08:51:51 by Gatlin
2 Comments
Hi Everyone….Watch High People Compete in Virtual Reality….While Stoned on Pot. Wow! Wasn’t that extremely entertaining … You just viewed: Leafly’s High Five VR Challenge Episode 1: Fruit Ninja. Tune in next week for: Leafly’s High Five VR Challenge Episode 2: Racket: Nx It’s the new Pop Culture thing everyone should watch and never miss an episode. Poster Comment:Make sure the kids watch too.
The Jewish and The Chinese Pilots
Post Date: 2017-06-27 13:00:07 by Deckard
7 Comments
A plane leaves Los Angeles airport under the control of a Jewish captain. His copilot is Chinese. It’s the first time they’ve flown together, and an awkward silence between the two seems to indicate a mutual dislike. Once they reach cruising altitude, the Jewish captain activates the auto-pilot, leans back in his seat, and mutters, ‘I don’t like Chinese.’ ‘No rike Chinese?’ asks the copilot, ‘….why not?’ ‘You people bombed Pearl Harbor, that’s why !’ ‘No, no,’ the co-pilot protests, ‘Chinese not bomb Peahl Hahbah! That Japanese, not Chinese.’ ‘Japanese, Chinese, Vietnamese… doesn’t ...
Man fresh out of coma commits suicide after learning Trump is President
Post Date: 2017-06-22 22:23:43 by Tooconservative
40 Comments
San Francisco, CA | Adrian Blake, a 24-year-old Starbucks employee who had recently awoken from a seven-month-long coma reportedly committed suicide this week after learning Donald Trump had won the presidency. After a miraculous recovery, Blake was reported by doctors as healthy and had recently been freed from San Francisco’s General Hospital after six weeks of physical therapy and readaptation. The young man was artificially induced into a comatic state in late October of 2016 after doctors feared for his life when he suffered a strong epileptic attack caused by an ecstasy overdose during a rave party. The strong Hillary supporter’s mom says the news of ...
‘Laughing My Ossoff’ — Kellyanne Conway Celebrates Humiliating Democrat Defeat
Post Date: 2017-06-21 07:10:46 by cranky
3 Comments
White House Counselor to the President Kellyanne Conway celebrated the humiliating defeat for Democrats in Georgia on Tuesday night after Republican Karen Handel beat her challenger Jon Ossoff. “Laughing my #Ossoff,” she wrote on Twitter after it was clear that Handel was winning. Conway also took a shot at the pundits who predicted a loss for Trump and Republicans in Georgia. “Thanks to everyone who breathlessly and snarkily proclaimed GA06 as a “referendum on POTUS,” she wrote. “You were right.” Conway thanked Handel for “being a grownup” and “running on the issues” — while actually living in the district she was running to ...
Frustrated by Trump's lack of leadership, Ivanka & Jared plot Washington exit
Post Date: 2017-05-29 10:20:32 by Willie Green
9 Comments
You'd never know it, but it turns out Ivanka Trump isn't exactly loving life in the White House. According to the New York Times, Ivanka and her husband, Jared Kushner, are frustrated by how little they've been able to achieve under her father's leadership, and have agreed to reassess their decision to relocate to Washington, D.C, every six months. The paper adds that Kushner is reportedly so unhappy he's telling friends neither he nor Ivanka have made long-term commitments to the White House, despite serving as White House Innovations Director and special adviser to the President respectively. Kushner's White House role has been under fire this week, when it was ...
The Nervous Young Priest
Post Date: 2017-05-19 11:45:29 by Tooconservative
0 Comments
A new priest was nervous about his first sermon, so he asked his monsignor for advice. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip." So the next Sunday at the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink, He proceeded to preach up a storm. After the service he returned to his office he found the following note on the door. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.There are 10 commandments, not 12.There are 12 disciples, not 10.Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.We do not refer to Jesus Christ and his ...
Gay baboon terrorises villagers, rapes 5 men
Post Date: 2017-05-10 14:15:28 by Tooconservative
4 Comments
Men at a village in the North West are leaving in fear over a big male baboon that likes to grope and bonk human males. The baboon is said to have attacked more than six men in the past week and what’s baffling the villagers is the fact that the baboon only attacks guys and does not hurt it’s victims but rather performs sexual acts on top of the terrified victim and leaves. One victim, George Chiune said he was coming from the local shebeen when the baboon attacked him and pinned him down. “I thought it wanted to kill me but realized it was after my bum,”, George said. Five men were admitted to hospital yesterday after experiencing acute anal pains and fatigue. ...
So funny,so true
Post Date: 2017-05-06 10:26:17 by sneakypete
3 Comments
Q: Why do WASPs play golf ? A: So they can dress like pimps. (Compliments of the Linux Fortune program.) Poster Comment:I saw this when signing in today,and thought it was so insightful that others should see it,too.
Video: The unbelievable full-album Sgt. Pepper/Star Wars mash-up
Post Date: 2017-05-04 14:32:11 by Tooconservative
5 Comments
To cleanse the palate, one of the two or three greatest achievements in the history of the Internet.At long last, we’ve reached the pop-culture Singularity. And it was worth the wait. They did the whole farking album. The whole album.
Cops Investigate ‘Armed Cat’ Holding a ‘Rifle’; Turns out to Be a Stick
Post Date: 2017-05-01 09:53:04 by Deckard
5 Comments
“We live in such a dangerous society that we never know when terror will strike…” At least, that must be what Newport, Oregon police thought went through the mind of the concerned citizen who snapped the above photo when they took to Facebook apparently worried that a cat sniper with a rifle was stalking the streets of Newport earlier this week. Notice the department’s post says “reports” — as in, more than one report. Yes. Cats with rifles. No opposable thumbs, but… rifles. Apparently the cat was given a verbal warning. (The sad part is, if this was a real 9-1-1 call, no one at TDS would even be surprised.) Delivered by The Daily ...
Trump’s new immigration crime hotline is trolled on launch day by pranksters reporting UFOs and aliens
Post Date: 2017-04-27 18:45:24 by cranky
0 Comments
Victims of Immigrant Crime Engagement was a Trump campaign promise Homeland Security Secretary John Kelly said it would help victims to find out if their attackers had been deported Kelly said the acronym VOICE was apt as it would give victims and their relatives 'for the first time a voice of their own' During the election campaign Trump was supported by the family of Jamiel Shaw Jr, 17, who was shot dead by an illegal immigrant in Los Angeles in 2008A controversial new immigration-related hotline launched by President Donald Trump has been mercilessly trolled by people reporting UFOs and extraterrestrial sightings. The VOICE service started yesterday to enable victims of ...
How The Media Really Works
Post Date: 2017-04-19 10:34:43 by Deckard
1 Comments
This hilarious comic is spot-on when it comes to how we get our information.Credit: Dustin Rogers Even the outlets with the best intentions have something different to say about the same event that another outlet is reporting on, and the only thing that readers can do is take each article with a grain of salt. Unfortunately, even if the majority of readers attempt to not react dramatically to an issue, those that can’t contain themselves then spew misinformation based on what they read from a biased news source and further add their opinions into the equation. Keeping all of this in mind, Dustin Rogers, a comic artist from Columbus, Ohio, cleverly portrayed this media conundrum ...
What Kind of Pet Should Trump Get?
Post Date: 2017-04-16 10:47:29 by Willie Green
12 Comments
Of all the stains besmirching the Trump presidency — the ethical lacunae, the spasmodic “policy” fits, the Golf Digest aesthetic — none looms so large as the absence of a White House pet. Breathes there a man with a soul so dead that he doesn’t want a loyal dog or faithful feline trotting beside him when he mounts that lonely staircase to the venerable Master Bedroom?Apparently, yes.It seems emblematic of President Trump’s blaring tone-deafness for the office that he doesn’t even feign interest in recruiting a furry, fowlish or finny friend. Pets reap vast, humanizing rewards for presidents, as almost every one of his predecessors has discovered.The White ...
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