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Humor See other Humor Articles Title: What the 72 virgins will say
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Published: May 10, 2015
Author: Steve Martin
Post Date: 2015-05-10 16:28:12 by Tooconservative
Keywords: None Views: 431
Steve Martin answered the question about what 72 virgins might really be like, and his answer follows: Virgin No. 1: Yuck. Virgin No. 2: Ick. Virgin No. 3: Ew. Virgin No. 4: Ow. Virgin No. 5: Do you like cats? I have fourteen! Virgin No. 6: Im Becky. Ill be legal in two years. Virgin No. 7: Here, Ill just pull down your zipper. Oh, sorry! Virgin No. 8: Can we cuddle first? Virgin No. 9: It was a garlic-and-onion pizza. Why? Virgin No. 10: . . . so I see Heath, and he goes, Like, what are you doing here?, and I go, Im hangin out, so he goes, Like, what? . . . Virgin No. 11: First youre going to have to show me an up-to-date health certificate. Virgin No. 12: Hurry! My parents are due home! Virgin No. 13: Do you want the regular or the special? Virgin No. 14: Im eighty-four. So what? Virgin No. 15: Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Virgin No. 16: Even I know thats tiny. Virgin No. 17: Do it? Meaning what? Virgin No. 18: Im saving myself for Jesus. Virgin No. 19: Somewhere on my body I have hidden a buffalo nickel. Virgin No. 20: Dont touch my hair! Virgin No. 21: I hope youre not going to sleep with me and then go sleep with seventy-one others. Virgin No. 22: Do you mind if we listen to Mannheim Steamroller? Virgin No. 23: Are you O.K. with the dog on the bed? Virgin No. 24: Would you mind saying, Could I see you in my office, Miss Witherspoon?? Virgin No. 25: Ride me! Ride me, Lucky Buck! Virgin No. 26: You like your vanilla hot? Virgin No. 27: Does Ookums like Snookums? Virgin No. 28: Its so romantic here, dead. Virgin No. 29: Well, Im a virgin, but my hand isnt. Virgin No. 30: You are in? Virgin No. 31: Hi, cowboy. I just rode down from Brokeback Mountain. Virgin No. 32: Im a virgin because Im so ugly. Virgin No. 33: You like-ee? Virgin No. 34: Ill betcha you cant get an erection. Go on, impress me. Cmon, show me. Show me, big shot. Virgin No. 35: By the way, here in Heaven virgin has a slightly different meaning. It means chatty. Virgin No. 36: Sure, I like you, but as a friend. Virgin No. 37: No kissing. I save that for my boyfriend. Virgin No. 38: Im Zania, from the planet Xeron. My vagina is on my foot. Virgin No. 39: Its a lesion, and, no, I dont know what kind. Virgin No. 40: Im Jewish. Why do you ask? Virgin No. 41: Hi, Im Becky. Oh, whoopsyou again. Virgin No. 42: I just love camping! Camping is so great! Can we go camping sometime? Virgin No. 43: In the spirit of full disclosure, Im a single mom. Virgin No. 44: You like my breasts? They were my graduation gift. Virgin No. 45: When youre done, you should really check out how cool this ceiling is. Virgin No. 46: Im almost there. Just another couple of hours. Virgin No. 47: Get your own beer, you nitwit. Virgin No. 48: No, youve got it wrong. Were in the Paradise Casino. Virgin No. 49: I really enjoyed that. Thank you very much. Gee, its late. Virgin No. 50: You make me feel like a real woman. And after this is over Im going to find one. Virgin No. 51: What do you mean, move a little? Virgin No. 52: Not now, Im on my BlackBerry. Virgin No. 53: I love it when you put on your pants and leave. Virgin No. 54: Weve been together twenty-four hours now, and, you know, sometimes its O.K. to say something mildly humorous. Virgin No. 55: That was terrible. I should have listened to the other virgins. Virgin No. 56: I think I found it. Is that it? Oh. Is this it? Oh, this must be it. No? Virgin No. 57: It must be hot in here, because I know its not me. Virgin No. 58: Those are my testicles. Virgin No. 59: Did you know that virgin is an anagram of Irving? Virgin No. 60: First Spamalot, then sex. Virgin No. 61: Great! I was hoping for circumcised. Virgin No. 62: Was that it? Virgin No. 63: Dang. George Clooney was being reckless on a motorcycle, but instead I got you. Virgin No. 64: Tonight, I become a woman. But until then you can call me Bob. Virgin No. 65: Theyre called adult diapers. Why? Virgin No. 66: We could do it here for free, or on a stage in Düsseldorf for money. Virgin No. 67: Im just Virgin No. 67 to you, right? Virgin No. 68: Pee-yoo. Are you wearing Aramis? Virgin No. 69: Condom, please. Virgin No. 70: My name is Mother Teresa. Virgin No. 71: Im not very good at this, but lets start with the Reverse Lotus Blossom. Virgin No. 72: It was paradise, until you showed up.
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